Marriage… Subha Mangalam Savadhan… Sarva Mangalam Bhavatu… !!!

She was carefree, educated and independent who never thought of moving back from anything without giving it a try.  She always aimed at gaining a name for herself and that she could with her academic and other creative activities. She always thought that she was safely protected by four walls; however, one was yet to be completed. The three walls were her Father, her Mother and her Brother & sister-in-law. She kept herself and her little niece secured within it. For the little one, who was her life, she was a guard herself. They were the parents who constantly pushed her to move on and face new experiences and achievements. She was a free girl with her traditional and moral values intact.

    A girl, when it came to marriage, she always believed of being a perfect wife and an ideal daughter-in-law. The day arrived and the man, who was expected to complete the Fourth wall of protection, was finally there.  It was an ideal match. He fascinated her with promises to take care of what she was with love and care and together they dreamt of building their own small world. The new parents and new sisters (in-laws) promised great love and support. With that the proud parents got their daughter married happily.

Here a new story begins. Her new tale was not an abusive or tortured life but it is a real pain when you get a glimpse of what your life is going to be within the initial few days and months- unsupported, uncared and unloved.  The bride’s self-belief about herself being a strong, assertive and liberated girl had turned to hearing disgraces patiently. The husband when left alone with his wife was be a happy person to be with, laughing, playing and being there. But as soon as they returned home, or they were away from each other, the personality changed. The girl had always felt that any bride going to a new home will take time to adjust. The in-laws have to understand that the daughter-in-law’s way of living and upbringing was not the same as in their family. Thus, it is important to understand the difference in her mindset and family values too. Such, was not her case. As soon as she entered the new house, she was directed to lock her smile, pause her voice because passerby's may think other way. A mountain of expectations, conditions and a storm of to-be-refrained list came on her. 

She was constantly reminded that her parents’ house was not a place she is free to visit whenever possible… why !! Because she was there ‘daughter-IN-LAW’ now. If you take your bride, away from her parents, saying she will be one more addition to your number of daughters, then please do fulfill that, honor her, query her when wrong but don’t put destructive criticisms. Dear parents, insecurities about your son prioritizing his wife is not a good idea instead, be happy watching them shape a good relation.  She was hated by them, and love!!! Unsure, as it is said love is  unconditional. 

Initially the husband had respected her dignity,  choices and life which she had always dreamt off, however post- marriage he turned out to be a complete mama’s boy. He would pick up fights for days with her. He would repeat the same things that her in-laws would have earlier mocked her. She felt as if her life had been caged. Almost every night she went to bed in tears. She was ridiculed harshly for attending a friend's wedding because her husband was not invited.

Gradually, she started observing that hers was not a happy go lucky family which she wished, instead, they were the typical in-laws, the conventional attitude that the bride has to listen to every command with no choice and no option or else she would be a disgrace and the talk of the house at her in-laws place. They tried to put up an image that the wife was not a suitable match and they had better choices. 

Dear people, please do understand that if your think that the girl is not perfect then do also understand that your boy too has some faults. Give them a space that they can have a positive influence on each other rather than providing unwanted deliberate information's and suggestions.

Sometimes, it so happened that he would see her in pain but still would second his family to remain in the good books. There was a time when he was a brain-washed husband, with no regards for one person called wife. The biggest fault was the boy's addiction history which the new bride had caught and was unaware of previously.  Since, the groom was the youngest one in the family so the elders thought that he needs there constant advice and guidance to run his marriage. 

Dear people reading this, please do understand that your inputs and intrusion every time will not be a primary guidance in your child's (whether a boy or girl) life after marriage, you need to understand your place in any kind of a relationship, however, give better suggestions and motivations only when required, so that they can both prosper together. Once your son is married you cannot say that he is still a kid and immature. It is his time to head his own family.

She assumed that neither she is a perfectionist nor she expected the other side to be. The worst part came when she got to see her in-laws talking against her repeatedly (thanks to chat apps and conference calls). She always tried to take things in positive way and understand the scenario. Time is the best healer to adjust. With her, they must be carrying a lot of expectations but it was not right to scrutinize her or talk against every time. May be God sent her a signal to caution her about the ongoing talks. She could catch all the baseless and biased talks against her. And that made her angry and she started opposing to whatever they said even the smallest basic desires. It was probably fine but somewhere, the relation was on a verge of dying, they were just unsympathetic and apathetic towards each other. Her dreams, wishes, happiness started shattering and fading away. She had to face a lot of interference from everyone. She was sickened with the people who had developed a sense of zero responsibilities and no interactions towards the new member.  She often felt that every action she made was interpreted in the worst wrong way and was a new weapon used against her as an insolent remark. She was like a dead person inside and alive outside.

When the girl’s elder brother got married she was advised by her parents to create a positive environment for the new bride so that she can comfortably adjust and be a part of her new family.  But the same was not in her case. 

However, she was not a lady to break down easily. She was not a girl to sit and cry. She knew her stand and her voice. She was hopeful and gathered even more positivity, strength and mindfulness within her. Time, so came that there was absolute no interaction with the in-laws or husband. This time she took it in a positive way that sometimes it’s better to maintain distance, keep quiet and stay in peace rather than talk nonsense and have unpleasant face-offs in a way to clear misunderstandings. Sometimes, it is fine to be silent rather than talk about a matter because as time passes, the weight of the issue will also drop and you will find other things to focus on. She was more determined to follow her dreams and keep her stressful married life aside. She started talking on positive points rather than having pros-cons, right-wrong and time wasting debates.

Amidst imperfections she was not ready to give up because somewhere she believed on herself and the word "rise". Patience, time, will power and positivity could only bring goodness and she lived happily ever after for her own peace. 

This blog is written in general and does not resembles to any person in particular at any time. The author disclaims any liability or connection with the article.